This story contains upsetting themes around baby loss.
In June last year, Abigail Riley had a 39-week scan only to receive the devastating news that there was no longer a heartbeat. Abigail was carrying a little boy; his name was Stanley.
“It was absolutely horrific,” she says. “When I got the news that there was no heartbeat, I just felt mute. There were no words. I just kept hoping somehow they were wrong. But we had to go through labour and leave the hospital without him. We went home to silence.”
Abigail and her partner Joe described experiencing overwhelming grief but even in those early days, they made the decision to get through each day together.
“Joe and I agreed to talk to each other even when we didn’t have the words. One of the most helpful things he said to me was, “Let’s go for a walk and whatever is going on in your head, just say it out loud. Let any of the words out of your mouth and if we both do that, one day we might make sense of it.”
We made sure we had three meals a day and went out for a walk every single day. Even if we were crying behind the sunglasses, we still went out. We had to keep living. If we didn’t, it would have felt like our lives ended when Stanley’s did.”
It was Abigail’s brother Ben who suggested doing something in Stanely’s memory in a bid to motivate his sister to keep going. He came up with the idea of a tandem bike ride in April, covering 180 miles, over three days. The ride would take them from Ravenglass to Tynemouth.
Ben said, “I suggested the tandem as it was ridiculous and who'd want to spend that amount of time close to a sibling? Apparently winding up your sibling isn't something you grow out of as you get older. Abigail called my bluff, and I couldn't be the one to back down. I've regretted the tandem purchase for the last seven months as it's horrendous to ride but it is all for an amazing cause.
Abigail and I have always supported one another and when Abigail asked the family to help raise money for charity, we all wanted to help in any way we could.”
As difficult as they have both found training for the ride, Abigail admitted that there are times she’s incredibly grateful for the challenge.
“I’m not thankful to Ben for his mad idea, but I am thankful for the bike ride because some days I just don’t want to get out of bed. I still have days where it is a struggle and that’s where the training helps. Every time I got on that bike, I felt just a little better. This ride has kept me going both mentally and physically.”
Most importantly, it’s been a way to say Stanley’s name.
There’s a fear that your baby will be forgotten. I was really scared that I’d carried Stanley right to the end, and that he’d now just be forgotten. Instead, everyone has been saying his name and so many people will continue to, and I love it. Instead of being Abigail and Joe who lost a baby, we’re Abigail and Joe, Stanley’s mum and dad.”
The family decided to raise money for Sheffield Hospitals Charity after they had time to process the incredible care they received from the Jessop Bereavement Services Team.
“We knew we wanted to do something for Stanley’s legacy and after we found out about Sheffield Hospitals Charity, we knew it was right. Our time as a family in the Bereavement Suite, which the charity helped to fund, was so important to us and we want to give back to the staff that took such good care of us all. If we can raise money but also awareness about the incredible work the Bereavement team and the charity does, that would mean everything to us.”
Abigail hopes her family’s story will help others going through baby loss and other forms of grief to know that they’re not alone.
“As a society, we don’t talk about death, especially baby loss. It hasn’t even been a year since we lost Stanley yet. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, about grief, how it feels, how I’ve experienced it. I think the fundraising has been a great way to talk about baby loss because people ask why are you doing this. It has been a way to talk about it without other people feeling uncomfortable.
Grief is individual but I’d say try and find the one thing that helps you get out of the house and brings you even a little bit of happiness. It can be exercise, something creative, talking to someone, anything that works for you.
For us, nobody will ever replace Stanley, and that sadness will always be there but we’re lucky we have each other. Life is for living and that’s what we want to do in Stanley’s memory.”
To donate to Stanley’s legacy, visit their page here.
In Sheffield, support for baby loss is available through Sheffield Teaching Hospital's Jessop Wing Bereavement Service, Tommy’s, Sheffield Pregnancy Counselling Support, Sands, and other local charities and organisations.
Published: Wednesday 16th of April 2025